Online dating can be compared to my love/hate relationship with this brand of cookies at my local grocery store. I stand in the cookie aisle debating if I should get them or not. So then I do and at first I just have a couple and I feel great. Then I have a couple more and a couple more and then before you know it the whole bag is empty! There I am feeling crabby and in a sugar coma. Then wouldn’t you know the next time I am at the store the cycle continues and I buy them again!
With online dating for me it has been a series of reading in depth through profiles and being very selective…to going on a couple dates here and there…to aggressively swiping because I am just annoyed at how time consuming this is…to going on a bunch of dates with guys and there is truly just no connection…on any level (phew that was a long sentence).
I have been on and off online dating for the past 7 years or so. In the beginning stages of online dating it was almost like you kept it secret and people would respond with, “Oh you are on online dating? Wow! Isn’t it scary?” Now, it is more like “Wait, you are not on online dating? Why not? How do you meeting anyone!” I have met some very interesting (emphasis on interesting/creepy for some) people from the apps and although things may not have panned out I still look at it as a way to meet a new person and get to know their life a bit just human to human.
So this post is more of a confession rather than a rant about my views of online dating or the guys I have met. As a body positive blogger I try to keep it well…all positive! Sometimes I have days where it is really hard to feel 100% all the time. Almost a year ago my boyfriend of 4 years and I parted ways. During our relationship that is the most secure I have truly ever felt in my life. More in terms of my self esteem and body image. Yes, when I type that out and reread it makes me cringe a bit, but it is just the honest truth.
Now that I am on a solo journey I am trying to find confidence not through someone else, but through myself which I think is a whole other blog post. Here is an example of what I mean. A couple of months ago I was at a blogger meet up dinner and one of the gals and I were chatting about online dating. She asked to see my profile so I showed her and asked her to make edits to it and such to make me sound “cool.” She asked me, “Why don’t you use any of the photos from your Instagram and blog on your profile?” My response was basically, “Well they are full body shots of myself and I feel like I get more matches if it is just my face.” Her response was basically, “Girl do you hear yourself! You want to be with someone that likes you exactly the way you are!”
OMG YOU GUYS! I could not believe those words and thoughts had actually come out of my mouth. For real, I do not know who the girl in my head was that said that and I want to tell her to get it together! After this comment I made I kind of tossed it aside and didn’t think about it for the past 6 months. After my 30th birthday a couple of weeks ago I feel like I had a bit of a revelation about how I need to just be me! So I deleted all the awkward cropped photos in my profile and chose my top 5 favorites from past blog shoots. I based it totally on oh how I loved that top or wow my photographer really had me laughing in this shot we must of been having fun! Remembering that online dating is all about quality over quantity has really helped me. I would now rather have few matches and have them be truly gentleman rather than a bunch of matches of guys that most likely did not even read my profile.
Does anyone else ever have these same feelings? If you do we probably need to meet up and have a drink and exchange all of the awkward dating stories!
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